Forging on.........

Hi all. It's been a long time since my last blog post. I foolishly allowed somebody to silence my voice. As I grow a teensy bit stronger day by day ( and fortified with Zoloft) I realize just how wrong it was for said person to want to silence me, and how wrong it was that I let it happen.

You see, a friend of a "friend" didn't care for one of my posts and publicly called me a bitch on Facebook. This person then "dared" me to write a blog and use their name in it. I won't give them that satisfaction. Let's just say that this person owns a business and probably wanted some advertising. Said person also believes in "happily ever afters" and should have been a little sensitive to my situation. A bitch. I was highly offended, but what is a bitch anyway? A female dog? This is what I got offended about? After all, I don't know this person. Sadly, they are polluting the state that I used to call home with their presence. The positive of this being they.Don't.Live.Here.

I will never be silenced again.

I started this blog to help others as much as to help myself. This blog is part of my heart, and my son's legacy. It is part love story, part fairytale, part tragedy, part humor. It is frank and honest. It is NOT a happy ending as much as I wanted it to be. The words come from my soul. Who would want to silence that?

So I'm forging on. I will add a small disclaimer.

*This blog will never mention anybody by name unless I have their full approval. If you want to assume that I am speaking about you, that is your assumption. Chances are, I'm not. Even if I am, nobody will know unless you freak out and start telling people. I am an adult, and if any of my readers have a problem with what I write, you can come directly to me with your issue. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, and certainly do NOT have your friends do your dirty work for you. After what I've been through, that's laughable. I never have, and never will intentionally hurt anybody. I'm sorry if you do get hurt. I've been so hurt, and it's not a good feeling. If I do hurt you, I'm terribly sorry. Please see above sentence about approaching me.

End of disclaimer.

It has been 9 months since the love of my life went to heaven. Something that should have never happened at the age of 40. Not to me. Especially not to Lucas. Lucas's therapists are teaching him to label pictures. I gave them a picture of Rick. Every time they show him the picture and say "dad" my heart tears a little more. Dad shouldn't be a picture. Dad should be the love of my life, walking in the door after work. Throwing Lucas up in the air. I should be hearing fits of laughter coming from both of them while I set the table for us. This is what life should have been. This is what life is not. Dad is a picture. My heart aches for what we lost.

As unbearable as it seems to me, I'm forging on.

Rest well baby doll. I love you.