Who started this tradition anyway? A man decides he loves you. He decides he wants you in his life forever. Then he starts worrying...... What kind of ring does she want? What ring size is she? How much can I afford to spend without disappointing her? Does she like Platinum or yellow gold? What is her perfect ring?!? Nobody is 100% sure who started this tradition. You will get different answers from different sources. Ask ten different countries, get ten different answers. I can tell you that from personal experience. The "strangest" country I thought (at that time) was China. Nobody wore engagement rings or wedding bands in China. I was shocked. Upon asking our tour guide about it, he laughed. "Thats a western tradition". "What do you mean"? I asked. "How do people know who is married, and who isn't"? He explained that the eastern countries do not feel that people need to know marital status from a ring. He told me that some people do wear rings now, but that is because they are obsessed with western culture.
Wow. Not wear a ring? My very first thought was that I couldn't bear to be married to somebody that wasn't proud enough to tell the world that he was married to me. I never went ANWHERE without wearing my rings. I even had a QVC Diamonique (or whatever they call it) wedding set for traveling, so nothing could ever happen to my "real" rings. When I found out I was pregnant, Rick was over the moon ecstatic, but when the doctor ran down the list of things to expect, and swelling was one of them, he was concerned that my rings had to come off. Do you know that I ended up with 3 different sets of cheap costume jewelry rings in varying sizes, so that my ring finger never went naked?
Rick was the same way. He never, ever took off his ring. He was so proud to be married to me, as I was to him. When I knew that we were inevitably ending up engaged (it wasn't too difficult to figure out when Rick started pulling me into jewelry stores) I started a hunt. For what you might ask? For the perfect ring. You see, I have a very different taste in jewelry. I do not like anything that is "ordinary". All of the jewelry I have is either custom made, or very different from the norm. So, the hunt began. First I made a list. I'm ashamed to say I'm not kidding. What did I want. Hmmmm. Well, I love Pave diamonds. Yes, Definately a setting that has Pave diamonds.... I've always been obsessesed with rose gold. It's so beautiful. Okay, rose gold it is. How big of a center stone can he afford? I want at least a carat. What cut do I want? Well, a diamond is a diamond. I just didn't want that "tacky" heart shaped diamond. Yes, I AM shamefully admitting to all of this. When I didn't see anything "just right" on the internet, I started driving to jewelry stores on my lunch hour at work. As days blended into weeks, and Rick kept bringing me to jewelry stores and showing me solitaire setting after solitaire setting, not getting that I do not like solitaire settings, I became a little desperate. I looked up every jewelry store in a 20 mile radius. One day, on my lunch hour, I struck gold! Literally! I walked into this tiny local jewelry store, and before I even got the chance to look at their inventory, there it was, staring up at me, from the cover of a pamphlet. My perfect ring!!!!!!! "Excuse me, sir? Do you have this ring in stock?" The person behind the counter looked up at me. "No. That ring has to be custom ordered. It's a tension setting". A what???? Whatever. "Can I have this brochure"? "Sure, but just to let you know, Gelin Abaci rings are very expensive, and with the price of gold these days......" I had to get back to work, so I scooped up the pamphlet and with a quick "thank you very much", I left. Now, some of you might be reading this in disgust. I can just picture it. How materialistic! It should be Rick that she loved, NOT some stupid ring! Well, you're wrong. Because of my love and adoration for Rick, I cared about the ring. Let me explain....
I grew up overweight. I was always overweight. I remember being five years old and the pediatrician whispering to my parents in alarm, after weighing me. I have no one or nothing to blame. Even at five, I knew it was wrong to shove garbage into my mouth, but I did it anyway. My weight problems are definately for a different blog post, so I will jump ahead. I felt like I was never going to find love. I was shunned in school until I developed this "larger than life" personality. You see it every day. What does the outcast become? The class clown of course. All of a sudden, I was fairly popular. I was still the largest person in the entire school, taking into account the girls AND the boys. I was funny though. I had crushes on several guys, but they were never reciprocated, so I became friends with them. I had a lot of self loathing. This went on through my twenties with an occassional date here or there. At the age of 29, I lost a significant amount of weight and gained a significant amount of self confidence. I had a few people I was seeing, but It wasn't until Rick that I knew immediately that we were destined to be together. Rick knew about my weight issues. I showed him pictures of me at my heaviest. When he looked at the pictures, he told me I was as gorgeous then as I am now. Where WAS he all my life??? Okay, I still haven't explained my ring obsession. I'm getting there......
When you tell your friends and family that you are engaged, after congratulations, what is the very first thing they say? Let me see the ring! The man, no matter how wonderful he is, is silently judged by every single person who happens to glance at your left hand by this ring. Many women are disappointed in the ring they receive, but never let on. "I love it honey". The first major lie in a relationship. Some women become obsessed with upgrading at a later date. I am not a passive person. Well, maybe right now I am a little, but usually not. I didn't want to hate the ring that Rick gave me. It's something I thought I would be wearing my whole life. Something that symbolized the massive love we had for each other. Since I had convinced myself some time ago that I was not worthy of being loved, and will never get married, the very fact that it was actually happening was like the a dream that you wake up smiling from. I decided that I am finally getting this golden opportunity. I want everything to be "perfect". I didn't want to look down at my ring finger every day and say to myself, this ring is so not me. How foolish I was then.......
I couldn't wait for work to be over that day. I drove home and ran in with the pamphlet. " MOM!! I found it! I found the perfect ring"! I showed her the cover of the pamphlet. "Are you crazy"? "That looks very expensive"! I told her that I didn't know how much the setting was, but the man in the store said you can pick any diamond to put in it. I asked her to do me a favor. If Rick happened to come to her for advice, which I really didn't think he would, just show him this ring. Rick was very independant. Very different from me. I didn't think he would ask for anybodies advice. If that was the case, I would wear what he lovingly picked out for me. If he happened to go to my mom however, she had the picture to show him.
Well, he loved me so deeply, that he put all of his stubbornness aside, and he did go to my mom and dad. They showed him the picture, and I got my Gelin Abaci, tension set (no prongs, I would come to find out) Rose and white gold, pave diamond, 1 1/4 carat center stoneround cut diamond ring. I don't know how he pulled it off. My parents bought us the matching wedding bands as a wedding gift. I would later learn that my mom plotted with Rick for three months while this ring was on order. They were even going to put it in a K-Mart jewelry box when he proposed. Ha ha....Very funny guys. Rick knew my dad was dying, so as private as he was, he even proposed to me on my parents 35th anniversary. September 19, 2006. At W.A. Frost in St. Paul in front of my parents, my brother and his wife. He wanted to see the joy on my dad's face as he proposed. I will save the proposal for a later date as well. I got the perfect ring from the perfect person. Life couldn't get any better. I got my happily ever after. It didn't matter that it took 31 years. My dreams came true. A fairytale love.
Today, 3 months and 10 days after my fairytale love ended, I took my perfect rings off of my finger. It had gotten to the point where everytime I glanced down at my left hand, I started to cry. I sob as I write this. My perfect love has left me to go to heaven, and my perfect ring sits locked in a safety deposit box. I couldn't bear to leave my left finger naked, so I moved Ricks wedding band to that finger. They took it off of his finger at the hospital. I begged them to leave it on. "Please, he never takes it off. Please leave it on his finger", I cried with desparation. If he was wearing it, there was hope that he was coming back to me. The nurse looked at me with pity. "I'm sorry honey. He's not going to make it through this. You're going to want this ring for the memories". I numbly took it and signed the piece of paper the nurse shoved in front of me that I was taking it. My mom and I went and got a "fake" ring for Rick to be buried with. He would have been miserable in heaven without his wedding band, Just like I am miserable on earth without mine.
The Chinese have the right idea........
My Beautiful family
My beautiful family is no longer complete......
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