The wonderful world of the widowed online community

There are certain things I wish I never had to find out. There are certain things that I never, in my worst nightmares, thought I would find out. The online widowed community is definitely one of those things.

After multiple crying sessions with whoever would listen, and countless sad looks (can you blame people for not knowing what to say),I decided to reach out to people who understand. There is only one group of people who understand. Who? You might ask? The answer is the people who unfortunately are going through the same thing as you.

Now don't get me wrong, I would make a deal with the devil himself to never have to cross online paths with a single widow's group. Being that the devil deal was never presented to me, here I am. Joining group after group. Horrified at the amount of young widows that are out there. Grieving with them and for them. Reading stories I wish I never read. There are widows who's husbands died along with their children in car accidents (I would NEVER be able to live through that) Widows who's spouses committed suicide, widows in their twenties. Of course there are widowers too, I am not forgetting them. The majority of the people I have come across are widows. I think woman for the most part have an easier time sharing their feelings than men.

Does it make me feel better that so many people are going through similar heartache? Absolutely not. I'm devastated for these wonderful, strong women. Am I glad that they started groups for the likes of me? Absolutely. You see, countless well meaning people have asked me if I'm going to grief counceling. No, I'm not going to grief counceling. My child has forty hours a week of therapy. I may be overweight, but there are not two of me. My time is dedicated to my son. However, when he is in therapy, I can go online and get the best support there is.

I felt that I had to dedicate tonight to these wonderful, mostly faceless women and men who I have cried with, screamed with, prayed with, and shared countless virtual hugs with. We all know we can say anything to each other. We can curse, vent, share very sick humor that I wouldn't have found funny 3 months and 8 days ago, and cry A LOT and we will always be there for each other.

Tonight is dedicated to a group of online "strangers" who have helped me more than they know, and if I have to be a widow, and apparently I do, I am proud to be a part of these wonderful people. I only hope someday I can help somebody as much as the online widowed community has helped me.

For my "proud" moment of the day. It took a lot of guts for me to reach out to people I didn't know, and ask for support. Yay me.